Do you believe in Spanking?

*This article was initially published in Circle of Moms network in response to a question, which I picked out as my headline for this article. I've added more thoughts for this piece.

When you spank with your palm and it hurts you, then that is the similar pain your child is feeling from the spanking. If it leaves a mark, I think that is cruel. If you use apparatus, like a cane, it should suggest very mild pain but also a reminder to the child that their actions were incorrect. If it leaves a mark, then you have over done it. Never spank or cane a child when emotions are running high because it is more than likely that the spanking will turn into serious whacking and abusive hitting.

We really need to understand the concept of spanking. It's not intended to humiliate, so don't do it in public. It's not intended to inflict emotional and psychological trauma, so the act of spanking must first be explained and reasoned. It's not intended to cause physical pain that it bleeds or leave scaring and bruising, so the pressure of spanking or hitting with a cane (or any other apparatus) must be learned.

If we feel we are doing injustice to the child and there are signs of withdrawal, increased rebellion or signs of physical, emotional and psychological abuse, then the technique of spanking or hitting with apparatus like a cane is not for you and your children. 

I barely spank my children or cane them, but I do so when they go waaaaaay out of bounds. I have stopped hitting my eldest son because reasoning with him has become a better alternative. My 10 year old, too, is getting better at sitting down to talk and reason. My 8 year old still gets a spanking once in a while and my 3 year old gets a two-finger 'spank' on her tush or palm when she gets out of line too.

I think any punishment method executed within reason and in moderation, via a well thought out and researched method, should work just fine. But, yes...I believe in spanking as a form of discipline until the child matures to sit and reason critically with an adult. I agree that spanking should stop as soon as the child reaches puberty/teens.

I have spoken to parents in school and some parents while waiting in line at the clinic about my disciplining nature, and they stared at in me in shock.  How does a modern mother with modern education and vast worldview revert to old age if not 'violent' methods of discipline?  Well, it worked well on our parents, didn't it?  Plus, while parents indulge in psyco-babble solutions and molly coddle their children, I hear young children raised by affluent and educated parents, with deep pockets and ample exposure to the best that wealth can offer, scream vulgarities and insults their parents in public.   

Nadra and Naqyb enjoying a Nutella moment together.

Once I heard an 8-year old cursed his mother while flipping his Motorala V-Series handphone (no doubt purchased by the mother) for picking him late from school.  Another boy scolded his mother and called her stupid for supplying him with only RM5 as his pocket money when school starts at 7:30am and ends by 1:00pm...how much does a 9-year old need in 5 hours and 30 minutes?  I also know a mother who can't get her children to do their homework or go to bed unless she fulfills their demands for pizza and a home movie before hand.  And you call this good upbringing?  What type of adults do you think these kids will grow into?

My children dares not talk back to me.  They are helpful, courteous and kind if not the most gentle souls I've ever met.  When they go to their friends' houses for sleepovers, they are polite and I always get compliments for their manners, courtesy and easy-going nature.  I must say, I get major headaches when their friends come over and pick on the food I prepare because, "I don't eat this, can I have chicken and eggs instead?"  I also have children coming over and refusing to do anything told!   

Naqyb, Nayl, Nazyh and Nadra with my mother and I on Naqyb's 8th birthday

A proud Nazyh that Nayl won a few medals running during their sports day

So, I conclude...some form of spanking and caning in moderation works!  My children don't hate me and they don't violently retaliate.  Instead, they remember and work towards being better at who they want to become.  They seem well rounded and not psychologically scarred! Instead, I have people telling me that my children look so healthy and happy! That's good, right? I can't say the same for children I've met in their school lately...although, of course I've only met half of them.  Maybe the other half are not so bad. 

I thought I'd share some pics of my children being best friends with themselves.  My children are close-knit and attached to their grandmother (my mom).  I still kiss my boys and yes, even my 12-year old, though I ask for his permission if I want to kiss him in public.  He has yet to deny me. My younger two boys would openly hug and shower me with kisses irrelevant of time and place (sometimes overwhelming and a tad bit annoying).  My baby girl hugs everybody and her brothers LOVE it!!!