That thing called Metabolism, Part 2

And then there’s the ever-confusing metabolism and metabolic rate.  Do I hear, “huh? Got difference?”  Erm…yes, and now that you know, we can all refrain ourselves from confusing each other by not using the two terms interchangeably, especially in gyms and training outfits.

Basically, metabolic rate is the rate which you burn calories.  More specifically, it speaks about the rate your body burns calories while at rest, or your resting metabolic rate (RMR).  Check out www.restingmetabolicrate.net for a RMR reading.  It prewarns you not to forget to check the right gender!

Next, we all want to know what effects our metabolism, right?  Some say lifestyle.  Some blame it on genetics.  Some simply age and stop bothering altogether.  Well, they’re all correct (except for the stop bothering altogether. Please bother). 

Lifestyle, genetics and age play a role in everyone’s metabolism.  Genetics, which can be unfair, plays an important role…so, as much as it seems cruel that some people can gorge and stuff their face while remaining super slim, it is the fact of life.  SOMEONE had a plan, and nobody knows WHY!!!  Yet, not all hope is lost because a good lifestyle choice that particularly looks into diet and exercise can play an equally important role.  Unfortunately, when you get older, metabolism just automatically slows down because we tend to lose muscles. 

Fact: Metabolic rate can begin to decline as early as in the twenties, about 2% per decade.

Next, coffee lovers can jump for joy for their officially ‘legal drug’ because caffeine is a stimulant, so it does increase the metabolic rate.  Studies have shown that one cup of an American coffee can increase metabolism by about 3% - 4% for a short period of time.  People who like Tom Yam, too, can do the celebrative dance because spicy food raises metabolic rate.  It stimulates a metabolic process called thermogenesis, in which the body produces heat, which in turn burns calories.  But, eating spice alone to lose weight that the loo is the place you frequent more than the gym is not your solution.

Fact: Supplements that say it can boost metabolic rates with the additive of Ephedra or L-carnitine is not true.   Neither will consuming bitter orange until your face scrunch beyond recognition. The best way is diet and exercise.

However, killing yourself in the gym hoping to burn all the calories you ate in one day doesn’t work!  You burn more calories through simply maintaining your body’s vital processes than you do through physical exertion.  Physical activities only contribute up to 30% of your total daily calorie burn, though it remains the best way to boost the metabolic rate.  In reality, 65% - 75% of the calories you burn in a day are burned while your body maintains its basic vital processes.

Where you live geographically, too, can help you maintain metabolism.  If it’s cold, your body works hard to keep you warm.  If it’s hot, the body works hard to keep you cool.  It has been estimated that people living in warmer climates have a RMR that is 5% to 20% than people living in more temperate regions.  So, let’s bow and put our hands together that we were born Malaysians…so close to the equator, what?

*Both Part 1 & 2 are based on information collected from WebMD

That thing called Metabolism, Part 1

Metabolism is basically your body’s systems using and/or converting energy, which includes the basic activities you take for granted like breathing, digestion, circulation of blood, even while building muscles and storing fats.  Anything that is part of your body’s system that converts energy into activity is metabolism. 

There are two distinct types of processes:

1)   The anabolic reaction, which is the building of cellular structures and the storing of energy.

2)   The catabolic reaction that involves breaking down molecules for energy.

An individual’s metabolic rate is strongly influenced by his or her body composition.  Generally, if you have more muscles and less fat, you will have a faster metabolic rate, than those with more fat and less muscles.  (Learn more about HCG in my next write up to help supplement your weight loss program by burning fat and encouraging the building of lean muscles).

There have been multiple fad diets that insist eating a particular food more and cutting some essentials from the body helps reduce weight significantly and quickly.  But, what you really want to know is what type of food boosts your metabolic rate? Is it a high-carbohydrate or a high-protein diet?  Studies have shown that when the body requires more energy it process a high-protein diet; hence your metabolic rate increases as your body digests high-protein foods.

So, yes…please consume a high-protein diet, which however, does not translate into carnivorous consumption only.  Please don’t forget your fibre, minerals and carbohydrate.  Remember that too much of anything is never good for you.  The same goes to denying your body of necessary nutrition to function and live.  Eat wisely, folks!

Fact: Eating fewer that 1,200 calories per day can proof self-defeating.  Studies have shown that eating less than 1,200 daily are more likely to suffer from the slowing of the metabolic rate.  Hence, making it difficult to burn calories and lose weight.

Fact:  Going too long between meals and slow metabolic rate, so skipping meals are never a good idea.  Experts recommend eating in small healthy meals or snack every 2 – 3 hours.  And here’s the special shout out!!! Eating actually boost calorie burn as the body works to digest foods…so, please eat!  Just don’t over do it.

What about the old age idea that men have a higher metabolic rate than men?  Ah well, sorry ladies but this fact is unfortunately true.  Nothing sexist about it, but men and women were simply designed in different models for different purposes.  Men do tend to have a higher metabolic rate than women because women have higher levels of fat tissues.

...to be continued.

I call her Mak

Nazyh told me that I should join Master Chef because I'm such a great cook.  I thought he was cracking a joke, but he actually thinks the world of me.  It hit me again that the source of my inspiration, as I have told many, are my children.  Their unconditional love, as I have repeatedly written, is priceless and it drives me through all life's hardships.  Who else would be believe in me endlessly and tell me its okay?  I believe in my mother, too.  I think it's called the cycle of life.

Then again, I suppose it's the kind of mother we have.  I think much of who I am today, (and much to my dismay when I realized that I grew up to be just like mom), was shaped by my mother's unconditional love and still is.  They just don't make mothers like they used to, though.  I doubt I am anywhere close to the kind of mother mine was and is today.  I could make a checklist of my mother's dos and sacrifices, (setting her as my standard and benchmark to motherhood), and go down the list, I'm probably a C+.   I supposed I passed, but it's such a sad grade.

My mom's day with me as a child:


1.  Wake up extra early.
2.  Pick up sleeping child (try not to wake the poor precious), and brush her teeth.
3.  Sit her on the bowl and wait.  Clean her and strip her.
4.  Put her under the shower...only if the water is hot.  Otherwise, wipe her down (child still in between sleep mode)
5.  Dry her and put her back to bed.  Cover her under the blanket and make sure she's comfortable...now I bathe. (Child slips back into slumberland)
6.  Get ready and run up to make breakfast for child. Lay it out on the table.
7.  Go out and heat the car.
8.  Go down and get girl ready for school.  Dress her from top to toe. Brush her hair and make her real pretty.
9.  Carry child up the stairs (literally).  Put her in chair.  Feed her breakfast (child still hitting snooze button)
10. Prep the back seat of car with pillow and blanket.
11.  Put on child's socks.  
12.  Carry child into the car and tuck her in.
13.  Carry in her bags and shoes.
14.  Drive her to school.


All this time...child is kept rested.  THE CHILD WAS BRATTY ME!!!  And that was only the morning.  You'd hate me if I continue with the rest of the day, so I'll stop here.  (Note: I'm also the only child). 

My mother's birthday.

Now, that I am a mother, she wakes up early for my children, make sure they brush their teeth, bathe, poop and pee, and get dressed.  She makes them breakfast and watch us all leave home while she reads a silent prayer under her breath and bids us farewell with her blessings.  I can't make her stop!  She'd say, "...kesian Yen penat.  Mak nak tolong", (...(I feel sad) you are tired.  I want to help you).


Obviously, I am still her little precious brat...and she still wants me well rested.  Forget her fatigue...I am always going to be more important.  I had always come first!  I am thirty some now, and I am still pampered as if I was 6, (but I wish she would rest).


Unfortunately, the age old adage of mother and daughter relationship eludes no one.  My mother and I, just can't seem to agree or see eye-to-eye on many little things.  It's funny how we share the bigger picture, though.  It's getting there that's hard; all that rocky road, t-junctions and back lanes are just so hard to maneuver.  So, we have our share of arguments and shouting matches.  It's gotten better now that we're both older and I think wiser...but, we can bring out the worst from each other.

Mak with baby Nadra.

Then again, we can be the best of friends and laugh into stitches.  We'd laugh until we'd cry and barely able to verbalize any form of communication.  Those are such precious moments.  

I also remember (as a young girl) singing in the car and thinking what a lovely voice she had (my mom can't sing a note!).  I remember how I loved her cooking and anticipate her spaghetti, ayam kicap (soy chicken), roasted chicken and nasi ayam (chicken rice)...I still do.  I thought the world of her, and so I can understand where Nazyh is coming from (though I wish at times that I can be a better mom).


It's not Mother's Day, is it?  Never mind la. Everyday should be a mother's day, right?  Especially after all the years of forgetting how we'll always be their precious little baby.  I am writing because I actually DO remember that I have been blessed with a mother truly carved by the Master's hand. Perfected just for me.

Her name is Rahil. I know her better as Mak and she believes in me too.

Do you believe in Spanking?

*This article was initially published in Circle of Moms network in response to a question, which I picked out as my headline for this article. I've added more thoughts for this piece.

When you spank with your palm and it hurts you, then that is the similar pain your child is feeling from the spanking. If it leaves a mark, I think that is cruel. If you use apparatus, like a cane, it should suggest very mild pain but also a reminder to the child that their actions were incorrect. If it leaves a mark, then you have over done it. Never spank or cane a child when emotions are running high because it is more than likely that the spanking will turn into serious whacking and abusive hitting.

We really need to understand the concept of spanking. It's not intended to humiliate, so don't do it in public. It's not intended to inflict emotional and psychological trauma, so the act of spanking must first be explained and reasoned. It's not intended to cause physical pain that it bleeds or leave scaring and bruising, so the pressure of spanking or hitting with a cane (or any other apparatus) must be learned.

If we feel we are doing injustice to the child and there are signs of withdrawal, increased rebellion or signs of physical, emotional and psychological abuse, then the technique of spanking or hitting with apparatus like a cane is not for you and your children. 

I barely spank my children or cane them, but I do so when they go waaaaaay out of bounds. I have stopped hitting my eldest son because reasoning with him has become a better alternative. My 10 year old, too, is getting better at sitting down to talk and reason. My 8 year old still gets a spanking once in a while and my 3 year old gets a two-finger 'spank' on her tush or palm when she gets out of line too.

I think any punishment method executed within reason and in moderation, via a well thought out and researched method, should work just fine. But, yes...I believe in spanking as a form of discipline until the child matures to sit and reason critically with an adult. I agree that spanking should stop as soon as the child reaches puberty/teens.

I have spoken to parents in school and some parents while waiting in line at the clinic about my disciplining nature, and they stared at in me in shock.  How does a modern mother with modern education and vast worldview revert to old age if not 'violent' methods of discipline?  Well, it worked well on our parents, didn't it?  Plus, while parents indulge in psyco-babble solutions and molly coddle their children, I hear young children raised by affluent and educated parents, with deep pockets and ample exposure to the best that wealth can offer, scream vulgarities and insults their parents in public.   

Nadra and Naqyb enjoying a Nutella moment together.

Once I heard an 8-year old cursed his mother while flipping his Motorala V-Series handphone (no doubt purchased by the mother) for picking him late from school.  Another boy scolded his mother and called her stupid for supplying him with only RM5 as his pocket money when school starts at 7:30am and ends by 1:00pm...how much does a 9-year old need in 5 hours and 30 minutes?  I also know a mother who can't get her children to do their homework or go to bed unless she fulfills their demands for pizza and a home movie before hand.  And you call this good upbringing?  What type of adults do you think these kids will grow into?

My children dares not talk back to me.  They are helpful, courteous and kind if not the most gentle souls I've ever met.  When they go to their friends' houses for sleepovers, they are polite and I always get compliments for their manners, courtesy and easy-going nature.  I must say, I get major headaches when their friends come over and pick on the food I prepare because, "I don't eat this, can I have chicken and eggs instead?"  I also have children coming over and refusing to do anything told!   

Naqyb, Nayl, Nazyh and Nadra with my mother and I on Naqyb's 8th birthday

A proud Nazyh that Nayl won a few medals running during their sports day

So, I conclude...some form of spanking and caning in moderation works!  My children don't hate me and they don't violently retaliate.  Instead, they remember and work towards being better at who they want to become.  They seem well rounded and not psychologically scarred! Instead, I have people telling me that my children look so healthy and happy! That's good, right? I can't say the same for children I've met in their school lately...although, of course I've only met half of them.  Maybe the other half are not so bad. 

I thought I'd share some pics of my children being best friends with themselves.  My children are close-knit and attached to their grandmother (my mom).  I still kiss my boys and yes, even my 12-year old, though I ask for his permission if I want to kiss him in public.  He has yet to deny me. My younger two boys would openly hug and shower me with kisses irrelevant of time and place (sometimes overwhelming and a tad bit annoying).  My baby girl hugs everybody and her brothers LOVE it!!!

Strengthening Faith with Pillars

Here's the thing about Islam in the modern world...it's grossly distorted.  It's tiring to read in the media that authorities are merely "trying to educate about Islam", when the teachings of Islam today revolves around almost trivial matters that sparks from ignorance of the ACTUAL Islam  The recent event in Acheh where punk musicians were taken into custody and have their hair shaven off because "punk is deemed as un-Islamic" is seriously an uneducated move.  It took me into a time warp when a certain minister (god bless his soul and may he rest in peace) took it to live broadcast and snipped off local long-haired rock stars for being...I forgot.  Whatever lesson he wanted us to learn has left me.


Women are usually the common victim since they are commonly viewed as the source of all vice.  I've heard so many times in sermons that the population of hell is vastly female for being the source of all evil.  I've also heard that rape, abuse, and sexual harassment experienced by women are no one's fault but the women's.  As a matter of fact, women invite all unwelcomed sexist and sexual advances made against them due to their own un-Islamic self.  

By virtue of this argument then we can deduce that all men, by all means are victims to seduction and have no power whatsoever to control that thing between his legs and that blob in his skull!  The poor testosterone driven species are so wrapped in innocence that all his actions and conducts could not possibly be his own. 

Hmmm...are you buying this reasoning?

Lessons of Islam

I'm no expert but I read.  So, it's really a simple exercise.  The Quran is everywhere and so is the Hadith in all languages.  Can't understand Arabic?  It's okay, because there is one translated into your mother tongue!  Islam is all inclusive...seriously.  Tak percaya? (You don't believe me?)  Go read.


Once we read, we'll realize that Islam has simple Principles and Practices, based on the 5 pillars of Islam and 6 pillars of Faith.  Get that right la, before you bitch about Islam or pretend you know so much because you spent 1 miserable year studying something-something in University of Al-Azhar! I suggest that the authorities put the pillars as the foundation of their 'educating' program.  

The 2 pillars go like this:

5 Pillars of Islam

1.  To verbalize the kalimah syahadah
2.  To pray
3.  To pay zakat (alms)
4.  To fast in Ramadhan
5.  To undertake the Hajj for those who are able


6 Pillars of Faith


1.  To have faith in Allah s.w.t
2.  To have faith in angels
3.  To have faith in the holy books
4.  To have faith in all Prophets
5.  To have faith in Akhirat (the end of days)
6.  To have faith in Qada' and Qadar


There really isn't anything in the list of pillars that suggest womenfolks must take responsibilities for the entire Muslim race.  There really isn't anything there either that suggests dress codes and hairstyles either.  Just basics to a wholesome and God-fearing Lifestyle; and yet, the media coverage is giving Islam and thinking practicing Muslims a bad name.


Sadly today, Muslims are more afraid of the human-made laws and the authorities implementing it than the Creator.  Some wear the hijab because..."what would the society say?"  Some marry a woman he views as Islamic but seriously wants the other gal.  Some are dressed in the perfect "Islamic" garments and then abandoned a baby in the back lanes wrapped in newspapers to die.  Some men marry four wives but never tells them until the women discovers each other and the list of children at his funeral.  

The case studies are long and would be a good source for great stand ups, if not for its serious religious connotations!


Here's a recommendation...get back to basics.  

1.  Be concerned if a Muslim cannot verbalize the kalimah syahadah, because then his/her dying will be difficult and he/she dies less of a Muslim.
2.  Be concerned when a Muslim does not know Al-Fatihah and the at least 2 other surahs, because that means they don't know how to pray.
3.  Be concerned when a Muslim is able but is a scrooge when it comes to zakat (alms) because although he knows God promises equality to all His creation, he can't understand how his money is involved in any of God's plan.
4.  Be concerned when restaurants open back doors to Muslims to eat during Ramadhan and is largely patronized by errrr...MEN.
5.  Be concerned when Muslims are wealthy and able but do not go to Hajj because they have not received "THE CALL", but spends heftily on overseas trips and gross spending on material goods (and humans) they don't need.
6.  Be concerned when Muslims are surprised when they're told that ALLAH is not His only name and that reciting it regularly is part of the ibadah.
7.  Be concerned when Muslims thinks angels look like them but have wings or are reincarnation of their dead loved ones.
8.  Be concerned when Muslims think that the Quran is the ONLY book sent to them and should be changed to adapt to time.
9.  Be concerned when Muslims think that Prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h is the ONLY prophet in Islam and can't recall the other twenty-four.
     *list of prophets is listed below
10. Be concerned when Muslims think that there is an in-between space of nothingness between Heaven and Hell to house those who did not do enough sin for hell but did not do enough deed for heaven.
11. Be concerned when Muslims belief that all good is based on their individual effort and God is seemingly unfair for every ill-fate that befalls them.


I think if the authorities are more focused on getting the ACTUAL demands of Islam on track, then more Muslims will know what next to do.  Education will never happen through fear.  It will instead evoke negativity and resistance towards the faith because the entire "learning" are forced and focused on the superficial or the symptoms (like premarital and extramarital sex, the consumption of intoxicating substances, unsightly dress codes and everything in the media today) instead of the root cause - ACTUAL IGNORANCE.  

I am of the opinion that once the pillars are understood, everything else will fall into place and all these cost ineffective midnight raids in dodgy hotels, (to mention the most popular authorities' stunts and not to mention the unnecessary PR mess) will come to a natural death.


* ISLAM 25 Prophets


1.  Adam
2.  Idris
3.  Nuh
4.  Hud
5.  Saleh
6.  Ibrahim
7.  Ismail
8.  Ishak
9.  Lut
10.Ya'qub
11.Yusuf
12.Syu'ayb
13.Musa
14. Harun
15. Illyas
16. Illyasa'
17. Daud
18. Sulaiman
19. Ayub
20. Dzulkifl
21.Yunus
22. Zakaria
23. Yahya
24. Isa
25. Muhammad


*Note: I may not have spelled the names exactly how it is pronounced in Arabic, but it should be almost correct.


Found this and thought it is relevant to this article:
http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2011/12/26/reutersworld/20111226114833&sec=reutersworld

Question: Why isn't Isa Taheri, the man who Sakineh Mohammadi Ashtiani allegedly had sex with, not punished by stoning or hanging?  Isn't this another proof that Islamic laws are skewed and executed unjustly and biased against women?  Is the man less of a Muslim or is it because the woman is to be blamed 200% and carry the burden of both of their crimes?  What makes men so holy that even his obvious crime is overlooked? This case screams conspiracy!!!

Know Your 'D'

Skin Cancer Away!!! Really?

Based on the latest two (2) research reviews published in Annals of Internal Medicine, Vitamin D’s benefits may have been a tad bit overhyped.  Are we surprised? 

According to the reviews, which scoured over hundreds of previous studies on Vitamin D, there’s not much evidence supporting the claim that Vitamin D can protect individuals popping it against cancer or heart disease.

The Debate

Although Vitamin D taken with Calcium seems to assist in the prevention of broken bones in the elderly, there is no supporting evidence that suggests Vitamin D prevents fractures when consumed on its own.

Blame it on over enthusiastic consumers or the really good marketers at whichever pharmaceutical agency who thought it out…whomever it is, the verdict is somewhat out.  Vitamin D is not what it's cracked out to be...but, no worries.  Something revolutionary will come up soon, right :D

Hope that helps. 

*Note: I’m still gonna go ahead and continue my regime of calcium+vitamin D intake (hey, I'm getting older).  And please don’ t shoot the messenger…after all, sharing is caring!

It's a Matter of Timing

"Issues on the controversial NFC, run by Shahrizat's husband Datuk Ser Dr Mohamed Salleh Ismail and their children Wan Shaninur Izran and Wan Izzana Fatimah Zabedah, cropped up following the Auditor-General's Report 2010 in October, which stated that the NFC had failed to fulfill the target of its formation, while the Opposition claimed there were misappropriation in the management of its funds.

The company has been accused of abusing a RM250 million government loan for the cattle project for various unrelated expenses, including the purchase three luxury condominiums (two in Bangsar and one in Singapore), two land lots in Putrajaya, travels, as well as a luxury car ." - Cattle Scandal: MACC Raids NFC Office by Malaysian Digest.Com.

"Officers from the Malaysian Anti-Corruption Commission (MACC) raided the office of the National Feedlot Corporation (NFC) at Jalan Solaris, Mont Kiara, here, on Friday.

The six enforcement officers are from Putrajaya MACC.

The officers were seen leaving the office two hours later at about 5pm with documents and a computer.

Issues on the controversial NFC cropped up following the Auditor-General's Report 2010 in October, which stated that the NFC had failed to fulfil the target of its formation, while the Opposition claimed there were misappropriation in the management of its funds.

The NFC's executive chairman is Datuk Seri Dr Mohamad Salleh Ismail, whose wife is Women, Family and Community Development Minister Seri Shahrizat Abdul Jalil

The MACC is investigating whether Shahrizat had played any part in the award of the RM250mil loan to the NFC." - MACC conducts raid on NFC's office, The Star.

###

It's just bad timing.  

I seriously don't think that this issue of misappropriation of fund is exclusive to Shahrizat and family.  I think it has been happening since Adams and UMNO members have been squandering money from the Rakyat who they claim Diutamakan for many donkey years.  Shahrizat (and Khir Toyo) was unfortunately made the black sheep for the upcoming elections. 

My money is your money

Ta daaa...the cat's outta the bag (in case you don't know it already, duh!).

What would you expect from the powers that be when even the clerk will ask for "duit kopi" should we want to get the time of day from the officer he/she answers to?  Then the under table money continues up the ladder to the executive, senior executive, junior management, senior management and even the private secretary before finally arriving to the door of the Minister.  By the time you arrive to destination, you've blown your budget up to 250k minimum...certainly you cannot expect less from our masters, right?

Quote of the Day:

"Money and Corruption are ruining the land. Crooked politicians betray the working man; pocketing the profits and treating us like sheep, and we're tired of hearing promises that we know they'll never keep". - Ray Davies

Who's Listening?

Where's Mommy? Daddy? Anyone?

I've mentioned this before, and I'll say it again.  Negligence is a form of child abuse.  Once it took a village to raise a child and we've concluded that this is not the case anymore.  We already know the challenges of raising children in a city, but this month I learned that in the modern society, we can abandon all hope for the rebirth of a village society when even parents fail their flesh and blood.

Unsupervised children playing by water are likely to drown

This month we read in papers of a child's life lost in a family getaway waterpark.  Parents regretfully said to the media that they left their children to play unsupervised, and later realized one child missing.  This is not news, as I had once played hero to someone's errant daughter as she dived into a public waterpark and drowned before my eyes.  I screamed for help and dived after her (as if I could swim any better la), as the smoking and laid-back lifeguard ran helter skelter towards my direction!

We looked around and asked, "...anak siapa ni? (who's child is this?)," as she gathered her strength and wriggled herself away from us.  Naturally, nobody came to claim her and that was left at that.  Later, I saw her playing with her siblings about a whole block away from her near death experience.  I noticed her parents were casually lazing and literally leaving the children to their vices.

In the midst of cries for a transparent governing body and demands for a better administration for our nation, children are dying at our careless hands.  I can see no purpose to people pointing fingers to authorities while they can't even care for their own.  How can we as a society respond to such irresponsibility? 

Recent drowning events in Malaysia include, the drowning of a toddler in a basin of water, three boys  swimming in a river, and a little child who drowned in a condominium pool when the mother was not around (information taken from Life Saving Society Malaysia website http://www.lifesavingmalaysia.org.my), suggest that negligence is on the rise, but it is not labeled as child abuse.  (By the way, have you heard about this society?  It seems that they have been attending international conferences to identify ways to prevent children drowning.  Very important people went and even more important people were thanked for the support.  The problem is, I'm hearing crickets...I still don't know how we can prevent children from drowning when no adult is present!)

I say that no matter how many tricks you have up your sleeve to dive in and safe a toddler, child or youth; it's not going to help much when negligence is our main hurdle.  Media coverage calls it 'accidents' while one went to the extent of using "poverty killing" as its sound bite...hmmm.  If we condone negligence as accidents and murder as poverty killing, than it shouldn't be much of a surprise that children drowning will escalate and no one could care less...because the dead can't talk and living children's voices are never heard. After all life is for the living, right?  At least for the living adults.

A child looking down a balcony unsupervised almost always result in life lost

Then there's the little superman/superwoman enthusiasts climbing high rise balconies and lone rangers cycling the streets on fancy tricycles...who do we blame when lives are lost? Fate???

Acquirer and Pure

Wan Nayl Ismat

My eldest son completed his UPSR with 4As and 1B.  I was very happy.  He was besides himself in excitement and mostly relief.  He thought he flunked his Bahasa Melayu.  I was just happy he did well...after all 20 years from now, who really cares?  I remembered getting 5A's for Penilaian, but I seriously can't recall what I studied.  I think I got 7As for SRP and Grade 1 for SPM (can't remember my individual grades but I flunked by Additional Maths).  And like I said, 20 years aftermath...nobody's asking.

I'm one of those parents who think that children should be left children until it is the utmost necessity for them to sit, boxed-in in a room simply to memorize facts.  My son reads books and watches programs that are both insightful, educational and also entertaining.  He would sit me down and quiz me about sun spots, living planets, dinosaurs' age and every other details that leaves me awed with his amount of knowledge, understanding and ability to use the information he's gathered.  Half of the time I have no idea what he's talking about, but his enthusiasm alone keeps me entertained and glued to my seat.  Memorizing facts and details for exams is simply not necessary when he obviously displays interest in learning.

Sadly, our system does not test our children's application of knowledge, but instead in their ability to memorize and memorize and memorize.  Last I checked, knowing is not understanding, and a good memory is not necessarily a sign of intelligence.  So, I must say again that I am very proud of my son, who spent most of his pre-UPSR days watching TV, listening to the radio, reading novels, playing PSP, enjoying the outdoors, indulge in sleep and chocolates, and finally some time to tuition and revision (which only started in January this year); and still passed with flying colors!

My son is special and unique because he is mildly autistic.  I cannot begin to imagine the challenges he faces when he is misunderstood. But he has often been my source of inspiration.  In his struggle to overcome his social skills limitation; his emotional expression; his communication skills and his best kept secrets...he has raised above all expectations and proved everyone who thought less of him wrong.

Nayl discovering rabbits

Today, my son looks me in the eye and says "I love you," (very rarely and unexpectedly but it happens); he hugs me back and sometimes even offer me a hug for reasons very apparent to him, but not so to me (once he hugged me to thank me for an outing that must've happened months ago...and the replay of the memories prompted him to hug me in gratitude); he tells me a joke that only he understands but engages me by looking straight into my eyes; he tries to understand my distress due to his actions and though sometimes struggle to understand the logic, he would profusely apologize and do his best to make things better.

My son has grown so perfectly in my eyes and in my heart that I feel privileged to have been blessed with such a special child.  God has indeed a fine plan and I have learned plenty from my son.  He has opened up my horizons and shared with me the darker and lighter faces of life and the living.  My son helped me grow up and become a person of sight and less blind.

We named him Nayl Ismat that means the acquirer of purity.  He is indeed the purest of hearts; the cleanest of souls.  There is never a malicious moment but always a keen desire to love, care, honor and be honest in all his undertakings. Perhaps, I did something right and raised a fine boy...or perhaps, it was all just him being his special self. Today I write in dedication to my son, Wan Nayl Ismat and for all the young man he has accomplished to be.

The knowledge seeker

Voice of a Mother

Innocence

I was privileged to attend an interview between a journalist and a pediatrician about child abuse.  At the time of interview, two children ages 4 and 5 had drowned in a river because grandma was busy caring for a newborn.  The media notes the sad and traumatized mother; the apologetic and equally traumatized grandmother and a pool of condolences and wishes from the neighbors with kind words about the deceased and will always be remembered children.

The most disturbing part of these often ‘accidents’ is that the coverage talks about remorse and sadness of the loss.  Nobody, however, talks about the culprit – the adult/caregiver responsible for the casualty.  The issue that should be highlighted is that the death of children under the ‘care’ of a trusted adult who forgot to check the children’s whereabouts amount to abuse! 

Flash News!  The fatal physical injury or negligent treatment of a child by any adult individual entrusted with the care and welfare of the child (or children) by parent or guardian is considered as CHILD ABUSE.  It’s irrelevant how many times a parent/guardian advises their child (children) about the dangers that lurks, a child is a child – they will always forget.  Adults are expected to know better and should always remember that children cannot raise themselves!

Neglect cases have seen children drowning in bathtubs, suffocate, poisoned, slip and hit their heads in toilets, and many more other fatal incidents.  These fatal child abuse or neglect is a result from intentional or grossly negligent failure to adequately supervise a child.  Some children left unattended may fall, cut themselves, get trapped in the cupboard, burn themselves, get electrocuted, consume something toxic and fall seriously ill.  These unseen or unsupervised serious accidents and fatal blows can resurface as numerous health problems in the future.

So, you can imagine my surprise when I was told to remind my children not to play with sharp objects in my time of absence.  I always prep talk my kids each time I leave them alone with other adults. I speak of the dangers of playing with sharp, hot and heavy items all the time. I take pride in being a responsible parent who would do everything in my power to educate my children to safeguard them from impending danger.  But, I can't always be there and hence I constantly leave them with other adults I was told to trust.

When we leave our children in the care of adults we trust, at the agreement of the adult themselves…what else can an absent parent do but trust and place good faith in the promise contracted.  It is unfortunate that the current world is economically unkind, and usually both parents are forced to struggle to make ends meet.  I would love to stay home and be caring for my own children, but I can’t. Wouldn’t it be nice if other adults understand that working parents need assistance?  Especially those who's already got it made...

The pediatrician interviewed said, once it took an entire village to raise one child.  Today, even family members turn the other cheek, but behave holier than thou.  After all, (they would say), her children are not my problem…I’ve already raised mine.  How painful is the knowledge that your child’s life is worth so little to people you trust? Adults they trust! Too bad these trusted adults never learned in their entire educated adult life that negligence is CHILD ABUSE, no matter how holy they deem their souls and religious practices to be. 

How poor are their souls in the eyes of their maker… My advise?  Pray harder because the prayers of those discriminated and abused are LOUDER!!! Ameen.

My Sinful Malay Heritage

Bubur Caca

I am Malay and I love my Malay dishes.  My Gulai Lemak Cili Padi, Sambal Ikan Bilis, Nasi Lemak, Rendang Ayam, Pecal Kacang with Nasi Impit and Rendang Daging, Sate and Kuah Kacang, Nasi Goreng Sambal Belacan (wuhoo!), Ikan Goreng Bercili, Ketupat Pulut, Pulut Udang and the list goes on.  I love our desert of Onde-Onde, Badak Berendam, Bubur Gandum, Kueh Akok, Tepung Pelita, Pisang Goreng, Bubur Caca, Jemput-Jemput Pisang and more yummies endorsed by sugar and oil! Of course I'm also guilty of loving our dips of Tempoyak, Budu and what was that other smelly thingy made of prawns? Yup! I love my Malay Heritage.

Ketupat Pulut

Unfortunately, the list of Malay delicious spread of food from entree, to main course and dessert is a menu for gout, high blood pressure, heart attacks and diabetes.  We usually get awfully fat and unhealthy too (or was that a given?)  So, proof that Malays lead a rather unhealthy life is their medical bills and sad self denial to simple pleasures of life in their twilight years.  I seriously don't want to go there.

Sadly though, as much as I try to be a health buff, I am born a lazy bugger.  I prefer the snooze button than the wake up call for a run in the cold morning.  I enjoy hugging my bantal busuk and hide under my blankie as oppose to toning my muscles with weights and mats. And I still would rather have my roti telur than half boiled eggs, nasi lemak instead of a muesli cereal and chug down my teh tarik as opposed to water and juice.  How leh?

Pisang Goreng

Then it occurred to me that I am having a tough time downing my healthy meals because they're not Malay.  They're just not cut out for my coconut hungry belly and I need my chili boost.  Why in the world haven't the Malays come up with a proper diet book that helps us eat our heritage food and stay healthy?

As I browsed the Internet and some popular bookstores, I find that healthy cooking are mostly reserved by non Malay recipes.  I am now kicking myself for not taking lessons in cooking so I'd know the values of calories and fat and whatever else I need to calculate to make my cooking healthy.  Even the recipes that claim to be Malaysian is actually a fusion of tastes that befits the more modern culture...which basically means the Western culture.

Pulut Udang

I wonder if I can start a movement that encourages the Malays to relook at their diet and work out a menu that is healthier.  Someone told me to substitute coconut milk with yogurt or skimmed milk.  Someone told me to buy molasses instead of processed sugar.  But what about my pulut, pisang goreng and kuah kacang?  Shall we start something here?  Let's make a menu of our liking and ask a dietician calculate the 'sin'...you think it'll work?

To Breakfast or not to Breakfast, that is the Question.

A bagel tummy I'd like to not have

My mother told me that as a child, she would pile my plate with protein and vegetables with a scoop of rice. Being Asian, rice is the staple food and so her routine received gawking mouths and disapproving looks. She rebutted with a fairly good rationale: “I don’t want my daughter to be fat!” Thirty years later (and some), I’m saying, “I don’t want to be fat!”

I was told that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Legend has it that we must eat breakfast like Kings, lunch…I think someone lesser than a king and dinner like a pauper. Today, I see people eat all meals like maggots…a never ending fiesta of food. Appalled, but hit with reality…I’m a maggot eater too. I love my fiesta of food. Being Malaysian…aiseh, what can I say? I eat all day long.

Recently, I was introduced to a personal trainer who said eat what you want but know what you consume. Then she said, try to eat breakfast after the exercise to burn the reserved fat. Then she said, put in enough cardio to improve your metabolic rate. Finally, during Ramadhan she said, run 30 minutes before break fast and burn your reserved fat…

A better looking vision of me walking my fat away

I’m a lazy bugger, but I hate being fat. I hate my bagel tummy and my jiggly jig jelly extra tyres. So, I decided to walk in Ramadhan and I lost 1 ½ inches around my butt. Now, I eat breakfast after my run and eat dinner like a pauper. I’m not miraculously slim but I feel less fat. It’s only been 2 months of effort…I’ll write it again in a few more months.

She also said, Unleashed 2012 is around the corner. I’m guessing it is a lot of exercising before breakfast and eating like paupers. But, what do I know? Still, …I wonder what I’d gain more if I did know.  What is Unleashed 2012?

Being Woman

On my birthday this year, a good friend of mind from college, now a journalist took me out for lunch.  And as much as we tried to stay casual and have girl talk, we ended up talking, like two true media players, topics on public issues.  One of our topic of interests were issues on girls and their future as women.

Underage Marriage is Prevalent in many Patriarch Society

My friend told me that while deciding what she wanted to do with her life, she decided to take up a temporary teaching job in a rural school, populated by mostly poor minority students.  She was a truly dedicated teacher and believed in her students.  She chose to teach the neglected and those other teachers labeled as rebels and a lost cause.  The students found new source of hope and strived to excel - and they did.  So, it was no wonder that it broke my friend's heart when one female student dropped out of school to be married because her father said so!  Such patriarchy has not left our so called modern and civilized world.

Reflecting on my childhood, it hit me that life as a girl was complicated.  Then again, as a woman it has not actually gotten any better. But, as an educated and independent woman, it got me through life a whole lot better.  I get to open my mouth a little bit more, especially because I am usually better prepared and well read than my male counterparts.  I am also more proactive than reactive, plus I am more willing to get my hands and feet dirty, burn my ass and argue my ass off to get my points across. Yup! I'm that girl who everybody loves to hate but can't really do without because I get my job done.

In my first few jobs, I encountered an Executive Director (ED) who was simply self absorbed. He thinks he is above the rest because the CEO in HQ thinks the world of him.  Of course, given that the corporate world IS a man's world, it was easy for him to get away with murder.  He was one of the greater manipulator I have met in all my years of living.  He would make us all come early while he struts in after lunch smelling like LUX and sets meetings at Maghrib (Muslim's evening prayers).  Then he would make the girls write the minutes and later invite the boys out to Yam Cha!

A memorable request from my ED reflected one of the many risks of being smart, educated and woman.  He called me one day and said that our company, which is an arm to the main company, is short on cash for the upcoming business year.  He highlighted that I graduated from the US and from one of the best schools in journalism.  I majored in advertising, hence have skills in writing, communication and persuasion.  Then in one breath he said, "...you're now a communication executive.  I want to you take the CEO out and show him a good time.  While at it, see if you can convince him to invest more in our company next year.  His wife will not be coming along!  That should be up your alley, right?  You did graduate from the US..."

I am an Educated Woman

Huh?  What's that supposed to mean?

Naturally I rebutted and asked, "Why me?" He said, "He likes girls."  I walked out and had a tough time getting a raise and promotion though work kept on piling up.  A colleague of mine, at that time, told me that he had insisted that she drank alcohol with the bosses to stay in the game.  She declined and said, she's Muslim.  He said, "I won't tell."  She said, "You're not my God."  She too never got her promotion or raise.

In all this time, we watched our male counterparts laze at work, never complete their assignments but goes off Yam Cha with  bosses at night and within two years, raised up the corporate ladder and lined their pockets with wealth.  Both my then colleague and I resigned.  In the 3 months I put in my letter, my salary raised from RM1,600 to RM1,800 to RM2,200.  Imagine that?  I left anyway.

Evidently, being a girl is still tough in the modernized and civilized Malaysia.  Independent for 54 years, but the women are still treated like she belongs in the kitchen and bedroom only.  I remember an ustaz (male religious teacher) in college who commented in our lecture hall that a woman can study far and attain the highest degree, but still return to the kitchen to cook and clean for her man.  We were appalled and wrote in a complaint against it.

I believe that it takes a strong woman to stand up to egoistic chauvinist and a stronger woman to raise their daughters to be unafraid.  I have much to thank my mother who has made me who I am.  My mother is indeed a woman of substance of her time and generation.  She is a divorcee and was labeled a slut and unworthy because it must've been her fault that her husband left her.  Any men, single or married, seen with her would be accused of being bewitched by my mother's mumbo jumbo.  Both men and women of her generation hold very little regards on divorced women.  Till now, I hear people say in suspicion, "what kind of a daughter does a divorcee raise but home wreckers!" Sad eh?

I think I heard a saying that says a civilization is measured by how well it treats its women.  I am adding this link because it tells us in a few simple facts why women should be educated.

http://gccblogs.concernusa.org/2011/08/05/top-5-educate-a-girl/